All the King’s horses

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Seems about right. Generated with Leonardo.Ai, prompts by me.

I’ve written previously about the apps I use. When it comes to actual productivity methods, though, I’m usually in one of (what I hope are only) two modes: Complicate Mode (CM) or Simplify Mode (SM).

CM can be fun because it’s not always about a feeling of overwhelm, or over-complicating things. In its healthier form it might be learning about new modes and methods, discovering new ways I could optimise, satiating my manic monkey brain with lots of shiny new tools, and generally wilfully being in the weeds of it all.

However CM can also really suck, because it absolutely can feel overwhelming, and it can absolutely feel like I’m lost in the weeds, stuck in the mud, too distracted by the new systems and tools and not actually doing anything. CM can also feel like a plateau, like nothing is working, like the wheels are spinning and I don’t know how to get traction again.

By contrast, SM usually arrives just after one of these stuck-in-the-mud periods, when I’m just tired and over it. I liken it to a certain point on a long flight. I’m a fairly anxious flyer. Never so much that it’s stopped me travelling, but it’s never an A1 top-tier experience for me. However, on a long-haul flight, usually around 3-5 hours in, it feels like I just ‘run out’ of stress. I know this isn’t what’s actually happening, but it seems like I worked myself up too much, and my body just calms itself enough to be resigned to its situation. And then I’m basically just tired and bored for the remainder of the trip.

So when I’ve had a period of overwhelm, a period of not getting things done, this usually coincides with CM. I say to myself, “If I can just find the right system, tool, method, app, hack, I’ll get out of this rut.” This is bad CM. Not-healthy CM. Once I’m out of that, though (which, for future self-reference, is never as a result of a Shiny New Thing), I’ll usually slide into SM, when I want to ease out of that mode, take care of myself a bit, be realistic, and strip things back to basics. This is usually not just in terms of productivity/work, but usually extends to overall wellbeing, relationships, creativity, lifestyle, fun: all the non-work stuff, basically.

The first sign I’m heading into SM is that I’ll unsubscribe from a bunch of app subscriptions (and reading/watching subscriptions too), go back through my bank history to make sure I’m not being charged for anything I’m not into or actively using right now, and note down some simple short-term lifestyle goals (e.g. try to get to the gym in the next few days, meditate every other day, go touch grass or look at a body of water once a week etc). In terms of work, it’s equally simple: try to pick a couple of simple tasks to achieve each day (usually not very brain-heavy) and one large task for the next week/fortnight that I spend a little time on each workday as one of those simple smaller tasks. For instance, I might be working on a journal article; so spending a little time on this during SM might not be writing, per se, but maybe consolidating references, or doing a little reading and note-taking for references I already have but haven’t utilised, or even just a spell-check of what I’ve done so far.

Phase 1 of SM is usually the above, which I tend to do unconsciously after weeks of stressing myself out and running myself ragged and somehow still doing the essentials of life and work, despite shaving hours, if not days, off my life. Basically, Phase 1 of SM constitutes a bunch of exceptionally good and healthy things to do that I probably should do more regularly to cut off stressful times at the pass; thanks self-preservation brain!

In terms of strictly productivity, though, SM has previously meant chucking it all in and going back to pen and paper, or chucking in pen and paper and going all in on digital tools (or just one digital tool, which has never worked bro so stop trying it). An even worse thing to do is to go all in on a single new productivity system. This usually takes up a whole day (sometimes two) where I could be either doing shit, or trying to spend quality time figuring out more accurately why shit isn’t getting done, or — probably more to the point — putting everything to one side and giving myself an actual break.

I’ve had one or two moments of utter desperation, when nothing at all seems like it’s working, when I’ve tried CM and SM and every-other-M to no avail; I’ve even tried taking a bit of a break, but needs must when it comes to somehow just pushing on for whatever reason (personal, financial, professional, psychological, etc). In these moments I’ve had to do a pretty serious and comprehensive life audit. Basically, it’s either whatever note-taking app I see first on my phone, or piece of paper (preferably larger than A4/letter and a bunch of textas, or even just whole bunch of post-it’s and a dream. Make a hot beverage or fill up that water bottle, sit down at desk, dining table, lie in bed or on the floor, and go for it.

Life Audit Part 1: Commitments and needs/wants

What are your primary commitments? Your main stressors right now? What are your other stressors? Who are you accountable to/for, or responsible for right now? What do you need to be doing (but actually really need, not just think you need) in only the short-term? What do you want to be doing? What are you paying for right now, obviously financially, but what about physically? Psychologically?

Life Audit Part 2: Sit Rep

As it stands right now, how are you answering all the questions from Part 1? Are you kinda lying to yourself about what’s most important? How on earth did you get to the place where you think X is more important than Y? What can you remove from this map to simplify things right now? (Don’t actually remove them, just note down somewhere what you could remove.)

Life Audit Part 3: Tweak and Adjust

What tools, systems, methods — if any — do you have in place to cope with any of the foregoing? If you have a method/methods, are they really working? What might you tweak/change/add/remove to streamline or improve this system? If you don’t have any systems right now, what simple approach could you try as a light touch in the coming days or weeks? This could be as simple as blocking out your work time and personal time as work time and personal time, and setting a calendar reminder to try and keep to those times. If you struggle to rest or to give time to important people in your life; why? If your audit is richly developed or super-connected around personal development or lifestyle, or around professional commitments, maybe you need to carve out some time (or not even time, just some headspace) to note down how you can reorient yourself.

The life audit might be refreshing or energising for some folx, and that’s awesome. For me, though, doing this was taxing. Exhausting. Sometimes debilitating. Maybe doing it more regularly would help, but it really surfaced patterns of thinking and behaviour that had cost me greatly in terms of well-being, welfare, health, time, money, and more besides. So take this as a bit of a disclaimer or warning. It might be good to raise this idea with a loved one or health-type person (GP, psych, religious advisor, etc) before attempting.

Similarly, maybe a bit of a further disclaimer here. I have read a lot about productivity methods, modes, approaches, gurus, culture, media, and more. I think productivity is something of a myth, and it can also be toxic and dangerous. My personal journey in productivity media and culture has been both a professional interest and a personal interest (at times, obsession). My system probably won’t work for you or anyone really. I’ve learned to tweak, to leave to one side, to adjust and change when needed, and to just drop any pretense of being ‘productive’ if it just ain’t happening.

Productivity and self-optimisation and their attendant culture are by-products of a capitalist system1. When we buy into it — psychologically, professionally, or financially — we propagate and perpetuate that system, with its prejudices, its injustices, its biases, and its genuine harms. We might kid ourselves that it’s just for us, it’s just the tonic we need to get going, to be a better employee, partner, friend, or whatever; but when it all boils down to it, we’re human. We’re animals. We’re fallible. There are no hacks, there are no shortcuts, and honestly, when it boils down to it, you just have to do the work. And that work is often hard and/or boring and/or time-consuming. I am finally acknowledging and owning this for myself after several years of ignorance. It’s the least any of us can do if we care.


This post is a line in the sand with my personal journey. To end a chapter. Turn a page. To think through what I’ve tried at various times; to try and give little names and labels to approaches and little recovery methods that I think have been most effective, so that I can just pick them up in future as a little package, a little pill to quickly swallow, rather than inefficiently stumbling my way back to the same solutions via Stress Alley and Burnout Junction.

Moving forward, I also want to linger a little longer in the last couple of paragraphs. But for real this time. It’s easy to say that I believe in slowing down, in valuing life and whatever it brings me, to just spend time: not doing anything necessarily, but certainly not worrying about whether or not I’m being productive or doing the right thing.

I want to have a simple system that facilitates my being the kind of employee I want to be; the kind of colleague I want to be; the partner I want to be; the immediate family member (e.g. child, parent, grandchild etc) I want to be; the citizen, human I want to be. This isn’t some lofty ambition talking. I’m realistic about how much space in the world I am taking up: it’s both more than I ever have, but also far from as much as those people (you know who I mean). I want time and space to work on being all of these people, while also — hopefully — making some changes to leave things in a slightly better way than I found them.

How’s that for a system?

Notes

  1. For an outstanding breakdown of what I mean by this, please read Melissa Gregg’s excellent monograph Counterproductive: Time Management in the Knowledge Economy. ↩︎

One response to “All the King’s horses”

  1. Kiralee Avatar
    Kiralee

    I appreciate this post a lot. I feel like I’ve been having a lot of these feelings since last year (as you know) and also have a ‘routine’ of manically trying new systems only to tear them away and start simple. Sometimes the CM mode feels like trying to conform to ideas not built for me, because I so badly want to find a shortcut to clear-headed productivity. But I don’t think that’s how work… works? Like you said, sometimes you just have to do the work, while also knowing that it’s okay not to do the work ALL of the time! And not let yourself be distracted or pressured by external things, like apps and calendars and timers and whatever else we collect, especially if they are replacing the work or adding unnecessary stress. It kind of feels like a complicated form of procrastination, sometimes.

    I feel that the patterns you start to see in yourself through the audit can be really unkind, I started to see personal faults instead of just priorities when I did something similar (If I’d just… then I’d not have to… If I was better at…). What I do now, is write everything down as ‘shoulds’, and turn them into ‘coulds’ (thanks therapy!). It scales too, eg. I should finish a film this year –> I could finish a film this year; I should work on my chapter today –> I could work on a chapter today. Then I can assess my wellbeing, my wants, and my needs, and make decisions. It helps me to see everything as an option (could) rather than a responsibility or chore (should). Everything is negotiable and in flux. I’m not very productive yet, but I’m slightly better adjusted emotionally, which is pretty good.

    I also have a sticky note at my desk (I know you love a sticky note) that says: ‘Stop existing for other people’. It’s cheesy, but sometimes you just need that reminder.

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